OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
