All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
