I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Vodka?
Forever.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
