We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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