I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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