Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
