sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize