we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
