Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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