Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
