Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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