not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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