We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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