I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
