I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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