Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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