I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
