Tell her she can't have a vagina
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
