4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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