It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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