hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
