..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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