he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
