During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
