I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
