People in love make me want to vomit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
