He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
