my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
