So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
