You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
