so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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