I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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