Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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