It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish they made helmets for livers.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
