wrigley field is MILF paradise
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
