sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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