omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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