i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
