i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
