Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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