I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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