DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
