it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
