Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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