I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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