Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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