Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
