You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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