They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
