You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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