Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
