I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you never un-have a 4some
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
