it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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