i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
