From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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