Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
