She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
