apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
